For Freedom

     So...I have written in here before on struggle with TMS. Unknowingly suppressing stresses or fear or anxieties or all sorts of different things. But...occasionally I've had some flare ups with it again. I really cannot believe that this causes so many pains and struggles. To help get rid of these, it is suggested to journal or write about the things that could be causing the pains and get your mind right. I was to be free from these pains. They hold me back so much. I just ran a 5K race last weekend with my uncle and this week, every time I try to run I have severe pain in my legs. But I know that it is TMS. 

What stressors or struggles do I have. Let me see...I have SO many responsibilities and I have SO many people counting on me. I cannot do it all. I barely can have any time for myself. But then when I do, I'm pounded with lies from the enemy. 

I am responsible for...

Mondays: Every morning I'm responsible for making sure our son gets up and around. I make his breakfast and get his lunch ready too. Then I feed the cats and chickens and make sure our son is on time for school. I have be free for staff meeting and have a chapter or two from a book we all go through completed and ready for discussion.  Some Mondays I have to go to the Intermediate to teach Character Education to the students. Then, I have to be sure I'm at the school on time to pick up our son and take him home or get ready for his games. The evenings consists of homework that I'm working on to finish my Master's (3 classes this semester and 3 next to finish) OR going to my son's games.

Tuesdays: Most mornings I teach a chapel time for our preschool group. The first Tuesday of the month I lead chapel for a nearby private school in the afternoons. Again, being on time to pick up my son and then having him where he needs to be. Homework or his games for the nights. 

Wednesdays: I teach and lead our kids Wednesday night program. Making sure all 100+ kids are taken care of our 30+ volunteers are connected and has a place to serve. That's during the night time. The mornings are preparing for the nights and then afternoons I have to change vehicles with my wife so that I can have room to pick up my son and all of his friends he's bringing to church with him. Then after church at night I have to lock up and make sure everyone gets home. Go home and crash. 

Thursdays: cleanup from Wednesday and work on papers and things due for my classes. Also, I usually try to schedule lunches with other guys in our church that the Lord lays on my heart to reach out to. Then at night it's homework or take care of things around the house. 

Fridays: This is suppose to be my day off from work but that's a joke. I'm usually cleaning the house or running errands for the family or working on homework. I have tried to take the mornings for running and taking pictures of wildlife in the park. I try to find some "me" time in there for at least an hour. Friday afternoons I make sure I'm getting our son on time and then the family usually wants to go to the ballgames. 

Saturdays: I try to sleep in and get some needed rest and then spend time with the family. Lately, my Saturdays have been working on homework. 

Sundays: ALL day. wake up at 6am, get to the church to prepare for 2 services of children's church and Crosswalk class. Head home for lunch then back to the church to prepare for sign language class and the DGroup that I teach. Making sure the kids group is taken care of and have food while my groups has food too. Clean up and shut down lights and lock doors before leaving. 

Whew! I'm tired just thinking about all the million things I have to do. 

All the while doing these things, I have the jerk enemy that reminds me of so many things. He tries to tell me that I have to do all these things perfectly. I can't let anyone down. He tries to tell me that I'm not good enough. I am very insecure about certain things with my body. I struggle with thinking the worst about myself. I tend to be overwhelmed with temptations from the enemy that usually dig up things that happened to me as a child. I often wish and cannot wait for the day the Lord returns. No more sin. No more sadness or pain. No more fears or insecurities. Only Jesus. I cannot wait to spend eternity in fellowship and worship with Jesus. 

So...Lord, help me to give all of these things to you. I KNOW that apart from you I can do nothing. I know that I am nothing without you. Please help me to get rid of these things that are causing my body discomfort. Help me to do the things to remove it. Help me to do whatever is necessary to be free. I desire freedom! 

This New Chapter

Well, this week begins a new chapter in life for me and my family. My youngest is moving out into her dorm for college. My, oh my, how the time just went by so fast. How in the world did 19 years fly by SO fast. Friends and family always told me that it would be gone before we knew it. Boy were they right. Wow!
There is such a sense of joy and excitement for my daughter and then such a sense of sadness like we missed so many things that we wanted to do with our children but haven't or didn't do them. This world can be so painful. There are so many things of this world that hurt and leave me longing for what's to come. I am SO thankful that I know the Lord Jesus as my Savior. I am SO thankful that I have peace in my heart to know that my wife and children also know Him. I don't know the plans that the Lord has for me but I don't have to worry what my eternity will be like. I know, without any doubts, that I will get to spend eternity with God in heaven. Not by anything that I have done or will do, but ONLY by what Jesus did on the cross. He paid the price for me and my sins. 

I have just a couple more days before we pack up my daughter and move her in. I am so thankful for the time that we had her leaving with us. I am so thankful that God chose us to be her parents. I pray that we have prepared her well. I pray that she has learned from us all that she needed to. No, we are not the perfect parents but I pray that the most important things of this life have been instilled into her life. 

Lord, please protect her and guide her every move and action. I pray for her to enjoy her time living on campus and making new friends and getting her degree. I pray for the plans you have for her to fall into place in the right times and moments. I pray for her future spouse. Whoever the young man may be, I pray for his heart to be in tune with you and that my daughter will have to go through you to get to him. I pray he loves her and takes care of her so much. In YOUR timing, I pray that you allow him to enter into her life, that is if he isn't already in her life. 

Lord, please give her strength for each new day. Give her wisdom to accomplish the tasks you place before you. Give her the abilities to work her and do well in her classes. Help her to stand on her own knowing that you are right there with her and that her parents are always praying for her and wanting what's best for her. Lord...our faith is in you.

For our son, this will be new for him too. I bet that he is going to miss his sister. I bet that he won't show it, so please help my wife and I to be alert and attentive to his needs and recognize when he needs something. Lord, please help him to continue to mature and grow as a believer. I pray for his heart to be in tune with You. I pray for his to have a compassionate attitude and show grace and mercy to those around him. I pray for him to be the type of person that everyone wants to be around and strive to be like. I pray for him to love you with his whole heart. I pray for him to excel and do well in sports and to stay humble and give you the praise and glory for the things he completes. I pray for his future spouse. I pray that she is a kind hearted, God fearing young lady. I pray that she will be perfect for Luke and helping him to become all that you have created him to be. 

Lord, lead Julie and me to live a life that is holy and pleasing to you. I pray for Julie's heart to find joy and peace in this new chapter. I pray for her to feel your protection over Jadelyn and for her to have no fears or worries. I pray for Julie to feel strength on the days that she feels tired. I pray that she turns to You for answers as well. 

Lord...thank you for being a loving Savior. Lead us in this new chapter!

HOW CAN I?

 How? How can I get rid of all of the evil that pounds my mind EVERY SINGLE DAY? Oh how I wish there were a way to live in a place where there was no evil, no sadness, no corruption or violence, no pain. Oh wait, there is a place.  It's heaven!

Oh Lord, I am feeling very weary and worn. I feel like I am falling apart physically, mentally, and emotionally. I need you Lord. I feel that I am being blinded and just falling into the lies of the enemy all around me. I know that you have plans for my life and I have peace knowing that my heart belongs to you. But the weight of the evil that is so heavy on my mind today and lately is overwhelming. So much so that I just want to give it up. I just want to leave this world and spend eternity with you in heaven. But I am not in control of my life. And as long as you give me breath, I will keep on keepin' on the best way I know how. Whether I am living like on a roller coaster or living on a still, quiet lake. My hope is in You. My strength is in You. Please, help me to be drawn closer to You each and every day. Help me to "SAY NO to ungodliness and world passions." Help me to despise and be disgusting by the evil that the enemy throws in front of me or my mind tends to want to think on. I pray for peace of mind. I pray for physically healing of my mind, body, and soul. "Restore to me the joy of salvation."

So...how can I keep on going? I will trust in You!!