Worn Out

 Wow! So today I feel completely blah. I feel like I am not myself and I don't know what to do. I have been feeling completely attacked by the enemy lately. I feel like I just want to close my eyes and go to sleep and hide away from all the worries and woes of the day. How can so many crazy things be going on at once. Things with possessions, things with family and friends, things with me (physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually). I feel that I am losing who I truly am.

I also have some type of cold. I'm coughing like crazy and just feel tired and worn out. However, at the same time, I feel lazy and bloated and like I need to be running and getting into shape. But how can I get into shape when I have problems with my feet. 

I am tired Lord. Selfishly, I'm praying your return is very close. Selfishly, if I didn't have a family, I would be ready for you to take me home. But because I have family, I want to be here for them. I want to be an encouragement for others that are struggling. I want to help others come to know You as their Lord and Savior. Lord, I need you. 

Please forgive me of my evil thoughts. Forgive me for my selfishness and stupidity. I pray for a clean heart and a fresh start. I pray for healing of my heart, mind, body. I pray for my life to make a difference for Your name. Give me strength to do all that you call me to do. 

I need you Lord. I know that apart from You, I CAN DO NOTHING. Open my heart and mind to truth. Help me to have strength to fight off the temptations and lies and evil that so quickly consumes me. I'm tired Lord. I cannot do this on my own. I need you!

The Weight of Thoughts

 The weight feels so heavy today. We've had a lot going on these past several weeks. Losing my mother-in-law, losing my grandma, losing our family pet, getting cheated out of winning for our sons basketball team, evil and darkness pounding my mind with lies and junk, trying to finish up a college class for my Masters, trying to provide my son with all the help he needs while he's struggling with anxiety and OCD, trying to be there to support my wife while she processes losing her mom, trying to make good decision on providing a vehicle for my daughter who's about to turn 16, trying to stay on top of my work and following the Lord's leading for making it grow and mature, taking care of our home on my days off, being a good son and friend and checking in on family and friends, managing the Lord's money he gives us, etc. 

This list could go on and on with all the things that are super heavy on my heart right now. I truly feel like I could cry at the drop of a hat. I just feel so sad today and I can't seem to shake it. 

Lord Jesus, I pray that your return is very close. I pray that soon we will be done with this corrupt and evil world. Yes, there are great and wonderful things that we have and get to experience here, but knowing that my family members are saved and know you as Lord and Savior, selfishly, I'm ready to go home to be with You but not without my family. I do not want to leave them behind. My family has been through SO much recently. 

Lord, I know that there are countless people that have had SO many more hard things in their life. I know that what we've been going through is minor compared to some. But, how do I shake this heaviness? I know that you are in control. I know that you are all knowing and all powerful. I know that I need to give this to You but I feel like I have. I'm just struggling today. 

Please help my heart to be in tune with Your Spirit. Help me to have pure and loving and kind and compassionate thoughts throughout the day. Help me to reject the lies of the enemy when he tries to tell me things that are not of You. Help me to wake up from this drab kind of day.