There are a lot of things in this life that I am uncertain about. Lots of things that I question and sometimes doubt. One thing that I know for certain is that God is God and I am not. He calls each of us to something greater than we could ever imagine. He calls each of us to go beyond our thought process and beyond what we see as normal.
Recently, God called me to share some of my messed up past with a very close friend. This friend is so close that I call him my brother. But let me tell ya, I was terrified and scared to death. Terrified to let out things that hardly anyone else knew. Terrified that it would ruin the friendship and brotherhood that I have with him. Terrified that he would not want to hang out or that he would not look up to me. Terrified that he would think less of me as a man. Because of things that happened in the past I have already had insecurities in my life. They were scars that I didn't want to share. Scars that were once deep wounds.
But here's what I'm learning. If the Lord opens the doors and guides me to share part of my past, that I would never wish upon anyone, He's got a bigger plan for my past than I ever thought possible. The hard part is trusting Him. Trusting God that it's all going to be alright. Trusting that the friendship or relationship we may have with the person we are sharing things with will not be broken but strengthened. But let me tell ya, that is SO difficult to do. Doubts quickly set in. "Should I have shared that with them?" The doubts and uncertainties that Satan puts in our minds often keeps us from being truthful and letting go of things. We try to hide things and make our lives look so polished and like we have it all together. But that's opposite of what God wants us to do. He wants to come along side of us and take those burdens and place them upon himself.
As a believer, especially as a believer, we already have a ton of people looking at us just waiting for us to mess up. We sometimes fall into the trap of just answering questions with "church" answers. We sometimes just tell them what they want to hear or what we want them to hear. When people ask how we are doing, we sometimes just give them the ole' "I'm fine." But deep down we are hurting or we are broken over something in our life. Sometimes we are praying for someone to talk to about things, but then we're too afraid to let it out there or let them know about it.
I am not perfect. Not one little bit. I mess up all the time. I'm doing my absolute very best not to repeat my failures, but Satan seems to always be throwing junk my way.
There are a couple of reasons why I share these posts.
One reason is that I need to clear my mind and get things off of my heart. I feel that this is kind of like a journal or a place I can share my thoughts and think clearly while typing it out.
The second reason is for those who read these. I don't go out and try to promote myself or these posts. In fact I don't even know if anyone will read it. But my prayer is that IF someone does read this that it will give you some encouragement in your life. I don't think things happen by accident. I don't believe that if you're reading this that you came upon it by accident. I believe that if you're reading this, then God wanted you to read it.
So, I pray that He is a blessing to you today. Trust Him! <><
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