November 21, 2019
That's a question that I'm going to assume gets asked more than any other question in this entire universe. Why? Why this or why that? Why this way or why that way? This question gets asked daily in my mind. So many times that I cannot count.
For today, I am writing this because my heart is heavy and I am asking why? Why me God? Why do I struggle with so many thoughts of disgusting evil things? Why does my mind jump to the evil and cruel things of this world? Why do I struggle with issues that others do not? Why can't you just take this evil thoughts away from me? I am trusting that you know what's best for me and that the reason you haven't taken them away is that they are developing in me something that only you can do.
There are days, like today, that I just feel completely overwhelmed and tired. I feel that I am worn thin and being pulled in 500 million directions. Someone needs help here or someone needs something there. When can I have a break? When can I just breathe? Lord, I cannot wait for the day until you call us home. I'm am worn and tired and I'm just tired both spiritually, mentally, and physically. I'm worn out from all the extra jobs I'm having to do to take care of my family. We need money to pay for things that are necessities. I would love to use this money for things we actually want, rather than just needs. But...again, I am trusting in you.
I pray for you to impress upon someone's heart to give us money. Right now, that seems to be the heaviest burden. We have so many things that need to be paid off and I feel like we are getting no where with chopping at that debt. One thing after another pops up and we have to use that money for something else. Why?
You have called us to travel on this mission trip but not provided the money to pay for it. Why?
Why do I think of evil things even when I'm doing my Bible Study? Why? Why?
Why is it that I just want to give up at times at stop? I need you Lord.
JUMP FORWARD TO OCTOBER 19, 2021.
I forgot to click on the publish button and therefore, the post above didn't get published.
As you can tell, I've taken a break from this blog. It's always just been a place for me to put my thoughts and try and grasp some sort of reality to what's going on. When I write it out, I can think clearer about it, so it seems.
Going back to the word, WHY, I am slowly learning to not even use that word. I feel like it takes away from the trust that I have in the Lord. Sometimes, actually all the time, I need to just trust Him and not try to have all the answers. He's in control and I'm not.
Since 2019, the Lord has really been impressing upon me Proverbs 3:5, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understand."
He's really been teaching me to TRUST HIM no matter what's going on and not worry and not ask why. I don't have to have all the answers. I don't have to know everything. I can just trust Him and be ok with Him being over it all.
So today, that's what I'm doing. I'm doing my best to trust Him in each and every moment. And just to catch you up from the above post, He did proved for us. He always does and always will. He's a good and faithful God. I'm SO blessed and thankful that He chose to allow us to be forgiven and have a relationship with Him through His Son Jesus. Thank you Lord!!
So, I pray you have a relationship with Him and you have trust and confidence in Him so that you don't have to ask WHY.
Have a blessed day friends! <><
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